She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize
