i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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