you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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