how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
