I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
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