we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
