Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
