Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
