just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
