Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
