I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
