i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
