You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
