i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
