I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
