I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
only if we run a train.
done.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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