Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize