I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
