If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
