I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
