also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize