please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
