i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize