to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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