come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
did i walk over a car last night?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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