wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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