I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize