Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
