I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
