Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I need to calm my uterus...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
