I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
