we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
