no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
