Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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