God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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