Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
