So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
