i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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