Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
