You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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