I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
