ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
