I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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