How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
