OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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