She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
