Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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