No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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