if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize