all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
