dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
