btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize