I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
