im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
