How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
