I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
