Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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