In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We have started to decorate penises.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
