so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize