found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
