I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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