Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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