Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize