NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
