At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize