i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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