Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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