Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
