when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i believe in u and ur pee
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
