Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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