Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
