VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
