capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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