I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Non-Jews are for practice
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
