i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
