If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
