did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
