Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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