my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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