I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
