I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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