Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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