Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
