some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize