Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize