Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
