I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
