Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
