i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She's the barista slut.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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