We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
