wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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