u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
