the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
