she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
