After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
