It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
