I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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