My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize