I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
