I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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